In total, a thoughtful 37,392 people have asked the question “do gingers have souls?”

Do gingers have souls?

Ancient Indian thinker Arshdeep Raj is the first known human to have penned the question “do gingers have souls”? His brother, Malkpalk, had just a day earlier devised the idea of human souls and was busy indoctrinating the idea to the village.

Arshdeep, however, had always been more interested in the ingredients of his mother’s cooking than humans. He was just 6 years old when he first dissected a capsicum and inspected the contents to see exactly how it worked. He was greatly interested in vegetable spirituality.

At the age of 19, he released his first work: Divine Edibles. It was a title that placed him firmly down as one of history’ great thinkers.

Arshdeep theorised that gingers were indeed soulful entities. He measured the energies emitted when a ginger root was chopped and discovered that powerful soul-like electricities were present in the air particles in immediate proximity to the tasteful chopped rhizome.

Despite a consistent opposition to Raj’s work, nobody has been able to disprove his theory and it is to this day generally accepted that gingers do have souls.

In 2001, a school in small-town Brazil was shut down permanently after an assignment was set that requested students attempt to disprove Arshdeep’s theory. Parents rallied against the experiment, mainly due to the sheer number of gingers due to be slaughtered in the process.

Have you ever found a soulless ginger? What was your experience of this supposed soulless ginger? Let us know your thoughts on whether gingers have souls below.

A number of studies have now concluded that there are an additional three or four reasons why one’s snot may appear bright red.

Why is my snot red?

It is generally well accepted now that Rudo’s Disease was more of an old wives’ tale than a genuinely illness.

This passage will take you through the three or four known causes of red snot, but first read the notes on Blood and Viruses below.

Blood and Viruses below

It should be noted at this point that the common amateur diagnosis for bright red snot usually includes some kind of reference to blood and/or a virus.

If what you have is blood coming out of your nose, then this is not snot. Blood is blood, and if it is coming out of your nose then you should seek treatment immediately.

You may have a virus or serious injury.

Read about bright yellow snot here.

The three or four reasons for red snot are:

1. High salt intake
By far the most common cause of bright red snot is a high dietary salt intake.

When salt mixes with the water in your body, it goes on to rust your body’s iron stocks. Rusty iron is a reddish colour.

Studies have shown that the body used to eject waste rust through the sweat pores. This process often resulted in a side-effect of stained, red skin. Humans living in areas of high-salt intake became unnerved at sometimes having red skin. Evolution’s answer was to move the rust-excrement process to the nose – causing the slightly less frightening syndrome of bright red snot.

2. High raw meat consumption
People who eat a lot of raw meat carcasses will find a certain amount of the animal’s raw blood will enter their sinuses and mix with sinal fluid. This is quite normal and nothing to be alarmed about.

3. Anger
The phrase “to see red” actually derives from a level of anger that causes snot to appear bright red. (Though it should be noted that whether the snot actually is bright red or not during these moments of extreme irateness is still up for debate.)

It is possible that a person can get mad enough that their own snot will appear bright red to them, occasionally others around them.

Other information

Unlike bright yellow snot, red snot poses no immediate hazard or risk if you should accidentally touch it. Red snot should never be used in cooking, however.

Have you had a problem with red snot? Do you have any advice for fellow sufferers? Have you discovered any additional causes? Feel free to post in our comments section below.

Situated just 147 miles from Devon’s Brownston, We Cum Tit Village is an elusive place that many travellers fail to stumble across.

We Cum Tit Village

We Cum Tit Village garnered its name in the middle ages. Following the Cornish rebellion in 1497, people set about renaming the towns and villages of Cornwall with as much Cornish language as possible.

Since We Cum Tit Village was on a popular route used by wealthy Britons heading down to Newquay for the weekend, the village unwittingly held the county’s record for the most pasty shops. Since ‘We Cum Tit’ is in fact Cornish for ‘Amazing Cornish pasty’, the name was a given.

As time passed, many moved away from We Cum Tit Village. With only a handful of pasty shops able to survive the decline in British tourism, many We Cum Titters, as they are collectively known, moved away to find work.

The place become a barren, almost lifeless place. Several generations of the Ordnance family, famous 18th Century mapmakers, managed to completely ignore the place, removing it from the knowledge of Britons for an eternity.

In the early 21st Century, makers of TV sitcom The Inbetweeners needed a roundabout for a storyline. The roundabout needed to display the words ‘We Cum Tit Village’ in flowers. The joke was that some of the characters had rearranged the flowers on their village roundabout from saying ‘Welcome To Our Village’ to ‘We Cum Tit Village’.

A young Cornish intern who was researching for the show vaguely remembered his Cornish language teacher mentioning We Cum Tit Village in class. As speakers of English, the Cornish boys had fallen about with laughter at the time. This caused much offence to the native language teacher.

The researcher informed the director and was despatched immediately with a cameraman to grab a shot of the village roundabout. The set designers then made up the ‘original’ roundabout back at the studios to look like the one in We Cum Tit Village.

As a thank you for the village’s generosity, the makers of the TV show sent each We Cum Titter an Apple Danish.

Have you been to We Cum Tit Village? Have you ever seen a map that features We Cum Tit Village? Were the cum tits (Cornish pasties) we (amazing) there? Tell us your story below.

It is now known that there are three main factors that can turn one’s snot bright yellow in colour.

Why is my snot bright yellow?

Lazy philosopher and notorious lothario Aristopollies couldn’t be bothered to discover why his snot was occasionally bright yellow. He was far too busy with other stuff.

He did, however, ask the question lots in his manuscripts, evidence of which still exists today. It seems Aristopollies had quite the obsession with mucus.

It was the beginning of the 1940s, and a man named John Holdsworth was playing around with some bright yellow snot in his garage.

After keeping diet records, he had taken a snot sample from his neighbour. He knew everything his neighbour had eaten and consumed in the last seven days.

By writing down, on a sheet of paper, the items his neighbour had consumed Holdsworth created a list of all the things likely to turn one’s snot bright yellow.

These were:

1. Snorting turmeric
Despite being good at keeping Alzheimer’s away, packing one’s nose with turmeric is extremely bad for bright yellow snot. In some cases, it has been known to cause gallons of bright yellow snot to pour out onto the floor and the surrounding areas.

In 1968, a man was shot by police in Belize after snorting what was later described as “a truckload of turmeric”. Belize is one of the few countries of the world where having bright yellow snot is a criminal offence and is punishable by death.

2. Eyeballing post-Berocca urine
Anybody who has had a Berocca, or similar vitamin-C based product, will have noticed the extreme yellowy colour it turns the consumer’s urine.

It is known that eyeballing (drinking through the eyes) this urine will turn one’s snot bright yellow for approximately 5.64 days. Avoid at all costs.

3. Eating raw canary
Much like the Western full-stop, in some cultures it is customary to munch on a raw canary at the end of every spoken sentence.

People of these cultures suffer from extremely thick, bright yellow snot. It’s disgusting. The snot often lasts for months, even years, with many opting for a vow of silence in order to clear their sinuses.

So, there in lies the reason(s) for your bright yellow snot. It is important that you remember not to touch your bright yellow snot as it can cause severe memory loss.

In case we are too late: It is important that you remember not to touch your bright yellow snot as it can cause severe memory loss.

Have you had a problem with bright yellow snot? Do you have any advice for fellow sufferers? Have you discovered any additional causes? Feel free to post in our comments section below.

The pilot, pleased to see them, replied “I don’t bloody know. But I’m so happy I’m gonna buy you a gallon of milk each and watch you bloody try!”

Is it impossible to drink a gallon of milk in an hour?

The Cruxes Four were a late 1960′s Antarctic expedition party. Setting off in the fall of 1968, the troupe consisted of Dave Thornton as leader, Nigel Lamington as navigator, Barry Somers as chef and Maureen Diochovsky as mum.

The expedition set-off to relatively little media interest. Leaving Invercargill, in southernmost New Zealand, in a small speedboat, it is said the quartet were obviously and completely unprepared for their trip; the lack of news coverage was later blamed for not raising this issue with the party.

In fact, even while en route to Antarctica, their small vessel ran out of fuel three times. They drifted most of the way to world’s southern continent.

Upon arrival, the party’s freeze-dried noodle stock dwindled within hours. What had not been taken into account during planning was Lamington’s former status as county Pot Noodle eating champion. As soon as he caught sight of the noodle packs in Maureen’s satchel, they were gone.

The crowd waddled around aimlessly and food-less for a few days. Chef Barry Somers, who was present on the trip as part of his prize for winning reality TV show ‘Top Chef 1968′, hit upon the genius idea of melting the ice in his hands to provide the others with drinking water. It is said this brainwave from Somers saved the lives of his colleagues.

It has been well-documented that the milky-white colour of the snow often causes delirious explorers to dream of milk. In fact, it is believed that the early colonisers of the Milky Way suffered from the same delirium – a phenomenon that led to its naming as such.

Interviews with the Cruxes Four in recent years have revealed that the group conversation revolved solely around the subject of milk only eight hours into their jaunt.

During a television interview with Lamington, it was established that the stricken group discussed everything about milk that has ever been discussed and more.

Gathering the snow up, many of the expedition members began to believe it was milk. They set about trying to drink a gallon of it, initially without time-limit, but soon began experimenting with an hour limit. Apparently Somers came close, managing to drink a gallon of the faux-milk in 71 minutes.

Diochovsky’s diary later revealed that these were times of extreme hilarity. All four were rolling in the snow in hysterics. The entire party were chanting “Is it impossible to drink a gallon of milk in an hour?” over and over.

Since the rescue, both Thornton and Lamington have succeeded in drinking a gallon of milk in under an hour. In 2007, Lamington was featured on a recent episode of ‘Where Are They Now?’ in which he was shown ‘requiring’ a gallon of milk per day just to remain in a good mood.

What would an engineer use a breadboard for?

So we’ve established the extreme importance a breadboard carries to an engineer. Words simply cannot explain this importance, but it’s very important, so you will have to just trust us on that.

Without a breadboard, an engineer would be unable to set a wanishie in place. Now, having just read that last sentence, we know your first instinct will be to go away and look up a wanishie to find out what it is. Well, to save you the bother, we’ll explain what a wanishie is in this very article as well. See? Two for the price of one – bargainous.

The wanishie, invented in 1957 by the Japanese legend Sagameechi Wanishie, is the generic type of engineering fixing used the world over. No matter what you happen to be looking at, using or standing next to; if it was engineered, it’s held together using wanishies.

The wanishie is applied in all types of engineering from circuit boards to skyscrapers.

_{What an engineer’s breadboard could look like}

Despite the wanishie’s success at holding the world’s engineering in place, there has always been an unfortunate design flaw: They may only be bashed into place using a breadboard.

In 1957, breadboards were all the rage. Breadboard makers were amongst the seven wealthiest multinationals on the globe. Their requirement to build tall buildings and develop ultra-fast electronics was welcomed with open arms by the breadboard manufacturers.

It is also believed the relative low-cost of a breadboard helped dumb down opposition to this necessary tooling.

Throughout the 1980s, the International Engineering Council began questioning the method of depending upon the wanishie. The IEC began the decade 100% pro-wanishie and came out of 1989 only 64% pro-wanishie.

It is believed violent lobbying-tactics employed by colluded breadboard and wanishie manufacturers were responsible for this decline in popularity amongst the engineering fraternity.

Despite the fixing’s opposition, no realistic replacement has ever been found. A fact that some believe is down to the vehement patent laws applicable to the wanishie.

Despite the extensive use of the wanishie-breadboard method, very few non-engineers will have ever seen the method in practice. This is because it is against the law in all countries of the world to openly bash a wanishie into place with a breadboard. Most work of this type is carried out under a large black cloth.

It is also the title of the B-side found on several rare pressings of the Madonna hit single ‘Borderline’. More on that later.

My cat is pregnant I think I’m the father

Following a night of painful regret, 19-year-old Josh Piggins, from Cozad, Nebraska, entered his search into the Google search engine. While he pilfered through the results that were returned, something behind his computer monitor in the garden caught his eye.

It was his best mate Lance. In fact, that wasn’t what had caught his eye – that was the mirror that Lance was using to signal his attention.

Nevertheless, Josh dashed outside to see what Lance wanted, neglecting the fact he’d left his search about the cat and their spawn in plain sight on the computer screen.

Lance had news. Apparently one of their other mates had thrown up on a sidewalk the night before, leaving a horrendous stain. Authorities were apparently at the site testing for clues as to what had created this urban crop circle, Lance exclaimed excitedly.

Both guys headed off to the scene to take in the delights. Meanwhile, Josh’s younger brother Kenny stumbled upon his dodgy search on the computer.

Fortunately Kenny wasn’t old enough to read the search and certainly didn’t know what this meant for the future of his brother. But he was old enough to lean on the Return key many times, overloading the Google suggest server with the search ‘My cat is pregnant I think I’m the father’.

_{What a pregnant cat could look like if you just photographed its
face}

Now when Google users attempt to search ‘My cat is pregnant…’ handy Google suggest is there with the option ‘My cat is pregnant I think I’m the father’. Rough estimates predict around 1-in-7 cat owners find the suggestion useful, with an estimated 92 percent of those actually requiring the information contained within the search.

‘My cat is pregnant I think I’m the father’ was also the name of a B-side on a few rare pressings of Madonna’s 1984 single ‘Borderline’.

Around five animals rights protesters gathered when they heard of the intended inclusion of the song for release. They arranged a protest against the release of the song.

The protest took place on February 27th 1984 in Springdale, Arkansas. Six local heavy-handed pro-bestiality activists had received word of the protest and set about attacking the animal rights protesters three minutes from the beginning of the march. One of the pro-bests seized a sign that read “Leave cat sex to cats” and caused severe injury to three of the animal rights protesters. The incident marked Springdale’s bloodiest day.

Seeing the violence, the record label eventually agreed to remove the few copies featuring ‘My cat is pregnant I think I’m the father’ they had produced from sale. A total historical black out was brought about as part of the agreement.

Have you ever heard the Madonna song ‘My cat is pregnant I think I’m the father’? Have you ever seen a copy for sale? Tell us your story below.

How long does ice stay in a cooler?

For ice to have stayed in a cooler, it needs to be still present in that same cooler at the time when the ice is being checked up on. For simplicity’s sake, we’ll relabel “the time the ice is being checked up on” as The ice in the cooler event period marker nodule 2. Got that? OK, here’s the guide.

There are currently three known factors that will affect how long ice stays in a cooler. These are:

1. The amount of ice (water) placed in the cooler;
2. The position of the cooler door;
3. The operational state of the cooler;
4. The third-party forces exerted upon the ice (water).

NB: You will notice that it says ‘water’ in brackets after each mention of ice above. That’s because ice is in fact frozen water and you should note this fact as part of your calculations.

1. The amount of ice placed in the cooler is important.

Let’s imagine, for a moment, a cooler with 0g of ice left in it. We can instantly see, without needing calculation, that the amount of time that amount of ice will stay in the cooler for is infinity seconds.

Conversely, if we imagine a cooler stuffed with about 15kg of ice, we can envisage the ice staying in the cooler for approximately an hour. We say ‘envisage’ because we haven’t taken into account the other factors yet.

2. The closure of the cooler door will have a tremendous effect on the amount of time you can expect ice to stay in your cooler. If you can’t close your cooler door, or won’t, that’s fine. The formula below can be used to calculate how long your ice will remain in your cooler at any door angle.

Where:
N2 = The ice in the cooler event period marker nodule 2 (in milliseconds)
W = The amount of ice (water) in the cooler
D = The angle at which you plan on leaving the door open (closed = 0)

Where possible, you should complete this calculation at least 25 hours prior to placing the ice in the cooler.

3. The operational state of the cooler is an important factor. This basically refers to whether the cooler is switched to ‘on’ or ‘off’. There are many subtle levels found between the ‘on’ and the ‘off’ setting, but for the purposes we’re outlining here, we shall assume there are not.

If F1 is the formula we showed you above, the calculation required if you wish to build in the fact the cooler is switched to ‘on’ is thus:

Likewise, the formula you deploy if the cooler is switched to ‘off’ is:

4. Third-party forces exerted on anything can affect anything. That’s why the above calculations should only be accepted as correct on the condition that there are no third-party forces likely to upset the balance. Upset balances lead to non-staying ice.

For instance, ice is not going to remain in the cooler very long if your four-year-old is planning on removing it with its grubby little fingers after only five minutes. This is due to the minute salts found in toddler-grub acting to melt the ice and turn it back into its natural state of water.

In fact, if any person of any age removes the ice from the cooler, The ice in the cooler event period marker nodule 2 has been shown to be less.

As you can see there is still a margin of error found when calculating the amount of time ice plans on sticking around in the cooler. It is still a developing science with many thousands of studies being carried out year-round in an effort to get the best answer to you.

Had an experience with ice staying in a cooler? Know someone who has found something new on the topic? Let us know!

Undoing Plumbing Connections For The Washing Machine

In June 1972 a teenage Gram Gram Charles picked up his first guitar from Sound Blows Music Store on Penchant Ave. Willeyville, California. The store at the time was  a hub for small indie artists who were breaking onto the scene and it’s said that this was the place where Hendrix first played the guitar with his teeth. Of course many say he was actually trying to use the strings to remove some stuck peanut and realised he could still bust out a tune, that’s just how talented he was and he never even knew until then!

Gram Gram picked up the guitar fast moving from the Beatles “She Loves Me” to a complete guitar composition of Mike Oldfield’s “Tubular Bells” within weeks of his first strum. The boy was a genius, clearly headed for stardom or some very sweet freelance session guitar gigs until a year later when he met George Wendy an Australian native who had been moved to the USA by his parents so they could pursue their dream opening a family run fast food restaurant.

Wendy’s family were not too rich due to their business partner effectively stealing their idea and opening a newer restaurant over the street using the family business name. People flocked to the new restaurant not knowing it was an immoral off spin of their favorite burger joint. Due to their misfortune and lack of funds to fight the case in court the family took to begging with George being sent to local laundromats to perform old 20s show tunes on a washboard.

That’s where Gram Gram and George first met and struck up a friendship. Due to their love of show tunes Gram and George started jamming over classic tunes with new “cutting edge” lyrical styles (according to 2007 interview with George) and created a style they referred to as Wrang Wrang Rap a Tap Tap. Using the basis of show tunes and an overlaid fresh version of poetry and screaming the duo entertained (sometimes unwillingly) the laundromat customers for the coming year before being picked up by a kid in town called Mike, who claimed to own a record label and said he could sort them out a 6 figure record deal.

After meeting the duo, Mike hand wrote some business cards with the business name “Wrecked Chords Records” and started trying to promote the duo around town.

The pair at this time were still un-named and Mike had informed them that a name may help them get some gigs. They were having trouble trying to find a name. One afternoon in the laundromat, after a successful gig, the son of the owner asked “Do You Kids Know About Undoing Plumbing Connections For The Washing Machine?”, whilst confusingly looking at the back of a faulty machine. Gram jokingly remarked “Yeah they are going to be gigging down at the old fire house next week”. The joke made everyone chuckle for a moment and then a following few seconds of seriousness and thought led to the duo looking at each other and nodding their agreement. Undoing Plumbing Connections For The Washing Machine was born.

Their first gig came from a local church looking for some youngsters to help make their place of worship hip to the kids again after losing most of their congregation to the 60s. It was a regular gig being played every saturday afternoon. Groupies started showing up wearing Satan crosses turned the Christian way up so the church leaders didn’t notice. Of course the Church were happy and the kids kept coming.

Fast forward to 1975, the band had just entered their early 20s and gigs around town and even surrounding towns were numbering in their 3s and 4s a month. The band even got paid in free soft drinks from some venues and Mike said he was still working out the contract details for their 6 figure deal. The duo were patient though, a steady 25-35 people came to every gig and bootleg tapes were said to have been seen being passed around at gigs in New York City, the shining light for the 70s music scene.

4 albums later and 46 self released singles, no deal in sight the band were hitting the 80s the same way they had been in the 70s, nowhere! Mike was fired and the band took to the road organising supporting gigs in exchange for food. Playing at a ranch in Marin County belonging to a man called George Lucas the pair were paid for the first time ever for a gig. Of course the amount was never verified but they had to leave quickly and somehow the pair seemed to be doing well for money after that. There are rumors that the ranch owner was so rich that he didn’t notice that the down on luck pair had stolen a Gold plated robot suit and sold it to the US government as proof of intelligent alien life for millions of dollars. Note:When questioned on this incident the pair decline to comment.

UPCFTM returned to their home town and resumed their old gig schedule at the church on saturdays and various bars around town. Washed up and drugged out the pair continue this to this day and have received a cult following.

Since the “ranch” gig the duo have released at least 20 albums all on casette and have never charged. Music style has varied over the years and they have even gained thank you credits inside the albums of some well known artists. British band Ned’s Atomic Dustbin credit their name choice to seeing UPCFTM and realising that a household item was fine in a band name and Rage Against The Machine have mentioned that they originally were going to be called Rage Against Undoing Plumbing Connections For The Washing Machine after they saw one of the church gigs. UPCFTM have claimed that Rage Against The Machine influenced heavily from the Wrang Wrang Rap a Tap Tap style they invented. As of 2011 the pair were preparing a possible law suit. Of course some say the ranch pot is running dry and they need to generate more money.

Did you ever receive a UPCFTM tape passed around at a gig, did you ever see the legendary band for yourself? Tell us your UPCFTM stories.

Unlike the Fart O Matic, which existed to amplify male human farts in the name of humour, the Fart O Tron worked to hide the individual elements that make up farts.

Dr. Robert Skinkiss was the mastermind behind the product. Skinkiss claims that it was 1958 when he realised the problem with farting was actually the work of two problems combined.

While balanced precariously on his roof one summer’s afternoon, Skinkiss slipped and fell. Managing to snatch hold of the guttering at the last minute, the educated gentleman said a whole heap of thoughts just whizzed through his mind – like a kaleidoscope on caffeine.

Of those thoughts, the two that stuck were related to farting. Dr. Skinkiss had recognised that farts could be broken into exactly two, equally embarrassing portions: The noise and the smell.

He realised that if he could invent something, anything, that would eliminate both the smell and the noise of the fart simultaneously, he would be a winning inventor. What’s more, he would be rich, not to mention ‘The man’.

The Fart O Tron was of extremely simple, but elegant design. Shaped like a modern-day air freshener can, the Fart O Tron had an extremely loud air-horn on the end. The premise was a simple one: Eradicate all sound for the duration of the fart, then eradicate all odour for the duration of the resultant stench.

Gone were the days of horrible farting women. Women were free to eat what they chose. And the myth that “girls don’t fart” was truly underway.

Ladies began air-horning their way through the sixties. Fart O Tron was the best thing since sliced bread came on the market and stopped people from accidentally slicing their fingers off all the time. They were like miniskirts: no woman was seen without one.

Fart O Tron’s demise occurred at the end of the decade. Literally at the end. It was new year’s eve 1969 and a man named Ron Blackman was getting ready to go out with his partner Jane.

As Jane walked down the stairs, the urge to fart hit her. As her swinging sixties street training had taught her, she deployed her Fart O Tron without the action even requiring her concious thought. Sounding its trademark air-horn sound and releasing a puff of fresh lavender into the atmosphere, Jane continued her descent.

“What the fuck was that?!” said a startled Ron, glaring up the stairs at her in the manner of wolf who has just been subjected to 12 hours of non-stop audio-bondage in an aviary. “What, darling?” said a naive Jane. “The fucken steamship sounding as you came down the stairs!” Ron replied, a bit baffled.

Jane hadn’t realised, but despite nine months together, that was Ron’s first experience of the Fart O Tron. In fact, since Ron was from the Orkney Isles, on the remote northern tip of Scotland, he had never experienced a Fart O Tron before. And Jane hadn’t realised this.

News of their break up soon hit the papers, the media finding the Fart O Tron an easy scapegoat. People soon started consciously hearing the air-horn sound and immediately recognising what it meant. Using a Fart O Tron soon became more taboo than just a silent, foul gassing of one’s peers. Indeed, if reports in some papers were to be believed, the Fart O Tron was responsible for both communism and immigration.

One British newspaper even blamed it for the events of “Black Wednesday” on September 16, 1992.

Since Fart O Trons were disposable, only a few examples remain. One working relic still survives in the technology gallery at The Science Museum in London.

Have you ever used a Fart O Tron? What was the experience like? Have you, or anyone you know, been adversely affected by a Fart O Tron? Tell us your story.