Governments employ many tools and apparatus to ensure their populations remain under strict control. One method in which they do this is by restricting the evolution of one of earth’s most man-made AND organic creations: language.

Imagine if language were to be set free, beyond the control of newspapers, televisions, dictionaries and the internet? All hell could break lose. And, what’s more, the government would be helpless as it wouldn’t understand what everyone was saying.

That’s where Slang Pillocks come in. Officially known as Language Spies, Slang Pillocks are responsible for reporting back to the government any changes in language they stumble across on the streets. They are always listening.

That weird guy standing extra close to you and your kids in the supermarket queue: he’s a Slang Pillock. The local nutter who likes to wave at cars: a Slang Pillock. That smelly, boozed up guy on the bus – you guessed it – a Slang Pillock. So be careful what you say.

Slang Pillocks were top secret up until 1997 when a young recruit, Rodney Simpson, was murdered in a bizarre incident of road rage. Many colleagues believe he showed true inexperience when he climbed into the back seat of gang leader Trevor Boxer’s car and attempted to sit there, listening in.