The primary function of Varnum is as a lubricant. It is also believed to carry other benefits for the skin, but its lubricative properties remain at the forefront of public fondness for Varnum.

In 1947, school bus driver Derek Bridgeham made Varnum headlines when he successfully restored life to the seized engine of a school bus, using only a pot of Varnum. The PR machine went wild, catapulting the product into the markets of 17 other countries. Derek went on to host popular Saturday night show: “Saturday Night”.

Nowadays, Varnum survives mainly on the mother and baby market, though its plethora of anal-sex related gags helps drive extra sales through the stag-do market.